LinkedIn is supposed to be a place where prospective job seekers can build a profile, make connections, browse job offers, and hopefully land the dream position they've been looking for. But thanks to LinkedIn influencers, who seem to treat it like their own hardo version of Facebook where every life event is shared as a motivational tale of making money for shareholders, the once useful platform has turned into a barren wasteland of corporate behind-kissing and meaningless dribble-jargon.

For example, one CEO went viral last week for posting a picture of himself on vacation. "Forgot to set up an automatic out-of-office email," he wrote. "So, here's a pic of me holding up a starship for proof." Not only does that reek of male cow manure, but I'm sure it's the last thing every employee grinding away at their desks wants to see from their supposed leader. Oh, and everyone knows you're not supposed to pick up starfish. 

But even he got away lightly compared to the young startup founder who claimed to have invented "bottle night." (AKA, drinking wine with your girlfriend.) "Do you know what a bottle night is?" he asked. "Probably not, bc my gf and I invented it." No dude, I think you're incapable of being a normal person, along with every other LinkedIn lunatic.